Talking About Gentleness

Before You Start

A good conversation with kids usually begins with curiosity, not a script. Try to create a little space for thinking, not just answering.

• Ask, then wait. Children often need a few seconds before they can answer.
• Don't hunt for the “church answer.” If the leader already knows the one acceptable sentence, it is not much of a conversation.
• Follow their curiosity. A surprising child observation may be more useful than reaching every planned question.
• Move from concrete to abstract. “What happened when Herbie pulled too hard?” is usually easier than “Define gentleness.”
• Do not force personal disclosure. Children can talk about a character, a scene, or a hypothetical situation without sharing something private.

Start With What They Noticed

Begin with what they experienced instead of jumping straight to the big idea. Questions like these help kids enter gently and honestly.

Talk About The Bible Story

Matthew 19:13-15 gives a clear starting place: people bring children to Jesus, the disciples try to stop them, and Jesus welcomes them. The story is not a full definition of gentleness, but it does help us talk about how power is used.

• Who was trying to come to Jesus?
• Who tried to stop them?
• What did Jesus do?
• How do you think the children may have felt when someone tried to keep them away?
• What do you notice about the way Jesus responds?
• What does it look like to “make room” for somebody today?
• Who sometimes gets overlooked or left out?

Keep the final question broad and careful. Do not invite children to name or tease a classmate or sibling in front of the group.

Connect It To Gentleness

Now move from the story to the month's bigger idea: gentleness is wise, attentive, controlled strength.

• Is being gentle the same thing as being weak?
• Can you be strong and gentle at the same time?
• When can too much strength cause a problem?
• Can words be “too strong”?
• How can you tell when somebody needs you to slow down and listen?
• Does gentleness always mean speaking quietly?
• Can saying “no” ever be a gentle thing to do?
• When might gentleness take more self-control than reacting immediately?

What Would You Do?

These short scenarios are designed to invite thinking, not to produce a single magic answer.

Go A Little Deeper

These questions are especially useful for older children or groups ready for a deeper discussion. They can also be used with hypothetical examples instead of personal stories.

• Why is it sometimes harder to be gentle when we know we are right?
• Can anger and gentleness exist at the same time?
• What is the difference between being gentle and being afraid to speak?
• Why might powerful people need to think especially carefully about gentleness?
• Can defending someone else be gentle?
• When have you seen someone be strong without being harsh?
• How can gentleness protect trust instead of just avoiding conflict?

When The Conversation Gets Real

Sometimes kids talk about hurt, exclusion, bullying, boundaries, unsafe touch, anger, or family conflict. If a child brings up something serious, the goal is calm, careful listening and a clear next step.

• Listen calmly and without interrogating the child.
• Do not promise secrecy.
• Follow your church or organization's child-safety and reporting procedures.
• Involve the appropriate responsible adult or safeguarding leader.
• Keep the focus on care, safety, and trusted support rather than pressing for details.

This is a brief reminder, not a full safeguarding policy. Your leaders should know and follow your local practice.

For Very Small Groups

BibleKnights should work with 2-3 children as well as larger groups. Small ministries are not a compromised version of the larger one—they are a different shape.

• Sit together instead of creating a formal teacher/classroom setup.
• Let the conversation follow natural threads instead of trying to finish a checklist.
• Use scenario cards, objects, or simple props as prompts.
• Allow children to ask the leader questions too.
• Let everyone answer, including the adult when appropriate.
• Do not stretch a five-minute conversation into twenty minutes just because the schedule says “discussion.”

For Kids Who Don't Want To Talk

Not every child will answer verbally. Silence is not failure, and not all participation has to sound like a classroom answer.

• Point to an answer.
• Choose between two possibilities.
• Draw a response.
• Write privately.
• Use scenario cards or objects as prompts.
• Demonstrate with objects.
• Act something out.
• Give a thumbs up/down/sideways.
• Simply listen.

A child can participate in a conversation without saying a word. Invitation matters more than volume.

Ending The Conversation

A simple close helps children leave with one clear idea instead of a buzzing pile of questions.

This can also transition into the prayer options already available in the Gentleness Leader Guide without duplicating the full reflection section.

Related September Resources

This guide is meant to be used with the story, activity, or song the group has already touched. It does not replace those resources.